


we get so close but we never touch

by thechickandtheduck



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, lily and james are into each other, lily is jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3550055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechickandtheduck/pseuds/thechickandtheduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is hard for Lily to tell James how she feels. He makes it easy for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we get so close but we never touch

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Hunter Hayes' "Secret Love". Enjoy!

She can feel his eyes fixed on her. He’s staring, and subtly was never his strength. She tries to pretend it doesn’t affect her, tries to make her conversation with Mary her main priority. But she knows better, and it’s been a really long time since she’s felt unaffected by him. Every little thing he does, the way he moves, when he talks, it all affects her so _fucking_ much. Mary keeps talking and all she can think about are his eyes, still looking at her, like nothing else in the world matters.

She suddenly stands up, and Mary looks at her like she’s crazy. She probably is. She must be. She looks at her friend, and loudly announces “I forgot my charms book, I’ll be right back.” Guess subtly wasn’t her strength, either.

She makes her way to the Entrance Hall, and her mind keeps racing. What she should say, what he is going to say. They are unpredictable, both of them. She doesn’t know what to expect. And after last night, she doesn’t feel safe anymore. She doesn’t feel safe to be alone with him.

She knows she had acted reckless. She felt an impulse, and followed it. That never ends well, she knows it, but last night, it had happened. And in a way, it had felt like getting a weight off her shoulders. It was done, and now it was his move. That was the scariest thing.

She reaches the main door, and debates whether to go outside, or wait there, in the comfort of the castle. She is still deciding when she hears his voice. Strong, calm. “Lily.”

On word, just one _fucking word._

She turns around and looks him in the eye. They are done playing games now. There’s no turning back. He takes a step closer to her, and in the back of her mind she plays with the possibility of taking one back. But she doesn’t. She stands tall, her breath caught in her throat. She’s about to say something, not clear in her mind what, when he takes another step towards her, and they are almost touching now. And she’s caught between wanting to touch him, have him against her, all of him, and wanting to push him away, yell at him. For a girl as confident as she is, he sure makes she question everything.

Memories of last night flood her. The yelling, the accusations, the truth. If she gives herself time to think about it, she may realize how stupid she acted. _Jealousy._ She never did deal well with that.

_“Lily, you won’t guess what happened!”_

_James walked enthusiastically towards her, the common room deserted. He smiled that goofy and contagious smile of his, but Lily remained quiet, almost solemn. James sat next to her on the couch, but didn’t seem to notice her odd behavior._

_“So, I was down by the lake, you know, minding my own business, when suddenly…”_

_“You run into Alexandra Turpin.”_

_James was taken by surprise, and eyed Lily suspiciously.”Well, yeah, I did, before, but you know, after that…”_

_“Are you dating her now?”_

_James was once again surprised. He blinked idiotically ._

_“I saw you two hugging, I’m just, I thought we told each other these things. I thought we were friends.” Lily couldn’t help but notice how much it hurt her using that word lately. A constant reminder that that was all they were. Friends. She missed the days where she couldn’t even consider herself to be James Potter’s friend. It was easier back then._

_“Well, maybe we have just started dating. Don’t want to burn it.”_

_The answer seemed to make Lily madder. She stood up ungracefully and looked at him with such intensity James was afraid for a moment. But she had nothing to say, the truth was, she had been hurt, watching James and Alexandra hug. But couldn’t say anything to him. Not now. Not ever. Unless, of course, she was willing to admit everything._

_James stood up too and he looked mad himself. “Well, I’m sorry if by not telling you I somehow offended you. But really, Lily, you can’t possibly be this mad about this.”_

_Was he fishing an answer out of her? Did he know? Or was he still as clueless as before? Whatever his reasons were, he was giving her an opening._

_“Well, I take friends codes very seriously.” That was probably the most stupid thing Lily had said in her entire life. It looked like James thought the same, because he started laughing. Lily felt more humiliated that before, and made a move towards her room._

_“You know what, fuck off James.”_

_“No!” James yelled and caught her by the wrist. “I’m not going to fuck off Lily. What the hell is going on? You are mad because I didn’t tell you I was dating someone? Someone I’m not even dating. I run into her by the lake, she got some bad news back from her home. So I hugged her, told her everything was going to be okay. I patted her in the back and left her with Edward Winston, you know, the bloke she is actually seeing.”_

_Silence felt upon them, and Lily realized that never in her life she would feel as stupid as she was feeling now. It had been so hard, dealing with her feelings for James, and seeing him with Alexandra, it had sent her in an unexpected rage._

_“Oh.” That’s all Lily managed to say. James looked at her, almost not believing what was happening.”Oh? Okay, that’s all you are going to say? Because” She felt him doubt.. “Because, I’m starting to think that’s not all that you want to say.” He took a step closer to her with determination. “Why does it bother you? The possibility of me dating someone?”_

_Lily wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him, that she had feelings for him, that she couldn’t stop thinking about him, that she was ready to tear Alexandra’s head off when she saw them earlier. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t do it. So she turned around, once again, and made her way to her room, leaving James all alone in the common room._

“Lily.” Her name in his lips brings her back. To him, to them, standing so close they are breathing the same air. She opens her mouth, not sure of what to say.

“James.”

It’s all it takes to him, his name. He closes the space between them, his lips crashing into hers. She doesn’t resist him, she doesn’t want to. They kiss hard, her hands in his hair, his in her waist, holding her close. She deepens the kiss, and he moves his hands along her back. The intensity of their kiss makes them stumble backwards, and Lily’s back hit the wall. One hand moves to James’ shoulder, clutching at his shirt. The other makes her way across his chest, and she hears James groan.

They break apart, air needed. Lily tries to recollect her thoughts. There’s so much she wants to say. They need to talk about this. But the entrance hall is deserted, and the need to touch him again ends up winning. So Lily kisses him one more time, and this time everything is different. They kiss slowly, his lips soft against her. He caresses her hair, and she feels him, in every part of her body.

“James.” She says between kisses, and he abandons her lips, kissing her jaw, with such love, Lily is not sure she wants him to stop anymore. But they have to. “James.” She says again, more firmly this time. He notes her tone, and stops, looking at her.

“I, this was, really nice.” It takes Lily an incredible amount of will to concentrate on what she wants to say. “We have to talk.”

“Okay, let’s talk.” She watches him take a breath, and then, he’s close to her again. “I am in love with you. I want to be with you. I want you to let me take you to a proper date. I want to walk around the castle holding your hand. I want to get mad if another bloke talks to you. I want to give you a goodnight kiss. I want you to go crazy if you see me hugging another girl. That’s me. All I really have to say.”

She’s taken aback by his forwardness, but she shouldn’t, she really shouldn’t.  That was James Potter, always honest, always real. The bloke who likes to turn her world upside down. She smiles at him, honest and vulnerable. “I want that too.” And she finally says it. There’s nothing standing in their way anymore. “I, I am in love with you too.”

James gives her a giant smile, and takes her hand into his. “So, maybe, would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I, know a place, here in the castle, what do you say”?

“I would love to.” He leans in to kiss her again, but Lily stops him. “Listen, could we maybe, keep this between us? Until, you know, I mean, I want to keep it low.”

“Ashamed of me?” He asks playfully, but she answers very seriously. “This, _us_ , is very important to me. I want to do everything right James. Is not like I’m not going to tell my friends, I just don’t, want it to…” She gets interrupted by James, kissing her. “I know Lily.”

She sighs, and rests against the wall. “I should go back, finish breakfast.” James is still smiling at her, and the last thing she wants to do is finish her breakfast.

“Yeah, me too. Why don’t you go first? Don’t want to make people suspicious.” She can’t help but laugh at him, leans down to kiss him on last time, and then she’s out of there.

Lily takes her seat next to Mary, who is, indeed, suspicious. “Where’s your book?”

Lily lets out a silly giggle, with no intention of answering that particularly question. Minutes later, James joins them in the table, and their smiles are so big, that she’s sure the entire castle knows what’s going on. And against her previous declarations, she doesn’t care.


End file.
